Caliborn's Stories 4: Little Monsters
by ASBusinessMagnet
Summary: Little Monsters, as summarized by the Homestuck character Caliborn. Rated T for language and violence.


WELL. IT SEEMS I AM NOT ALONE. ON MY MASSIVE QUEST. TO TAKE ON EVERY SINGLE PIECE OF HUMAN FICTION. THAT HAS EVER EXISTED. SO LET'S TAKE A MOMENT. TO HONOR AND CONSIDER. WHATEVER THE "turntechGodhead" USER HAS SAID.

HMM. "DO ONE FOR ONE OF THE MOVIES JOHN'S SO CRAZY ABOUT." ALRIGHT. I THINK THIS IS ONE. THAT THE ORIGINAL HOMOSUCK MALE. HAD IN FORM OF A POSTER. ON ONE OF HIS WALLS. HE HAD MANY OF THEM. AND I AM DOOMED TO DO THEM ALL. AS PER MY PREMISE. BUT FOR THE BEGINNING. I THINK THAT THIS. IS A GOOD PLACE TO START.

CALIBORN PRODUCTIONS PRESENTS.

LITTLE MONSTERS.

THE STORY NOW CONCERNS. A HUMAN MALE CHILD. WHAT A JOKE. THAT THE MAJORITY OF THE STORIES. THAT I TAKE ON. FOCUS ON A HUMAN MALE CHILD. THE ORIGINAL HOMOSUCK MALE. CHARLIE BUCKET. AND NOW THIS DOUCHE? ONCE AGAIN. WHAT A JOKE.

THIS HUMAN MALE CHILD. AND HIS "FAMILY". HAVE RECENTLY CHANGED. THEIR PLACE OF INHABITANCE. BEING THE OVERPOWERED DOUCHES THEY ARE. AND NOT BEING CHAINED TO ANYTHING. AND BESIDES THAT. THEY HAVE OTHER PROBLEMS.

AMONG THEM. THE HUMAN MALE CHILD. HAS BEEN SEEING MONSTERS. DESPITE THE FACT. THAT APPARENTLY. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS MONSTERS. LOOK. HOMOSUCK CLEARLY ESTABLISHED. THAT MONSTERS DO EXIST. AND THAT I AM ONE. SO JUST A WORD. FROM A REAL MONSTER. MONSTERS DO EXIST. END OF.

THEN. ANOTHER HUMAN CHILD APPEARS. I THINK. THEY ARE BROTHERS? AND THE HOUSE. HAS SOME PROBLEMS. THAT THE HUMAN PARENTS. BLAME ON ONE CHILD. WHO IN TURN. BLAMES IT ON THE OTHER CHILD. WHO IN TURN. BLAMES IT ON THE MONSTER. IT'S A NEVERENDING CYCLE.

AND THERE'S A BITCH? WHO LIKES SCIENCE. SHE HAS FUCKING LIGHTBULBS. AND A POLAROID. AND A PLANT. THAT SHE GROWS. AND BASICALLY IS PRETENDING TO BE SMART. LIKE. THAT ONE OTHER BITCH. FROM SOMEWHERE ELSE.

ANYWAY. SO THE TWO IRRELEVANT MALES. SWITCH ROOMS. TO GET AROUND THE MONSTER THING. AND THE ONLY THING THAT HAPPENS. IS IRRELEVANT STUFF. LIKE ONE OF THE MALES. BUILDING A CONTRAPTION? TO GET TO THE END. OF THE MONSTER THEORY. WITH HUMAN SNACKS.

ANYWAY. LUCKILY. THE MOVIE. AFTER A WHOLE BUNCH OF IRRELEVANT SETUPS. THAT HUMAN MOVIES LIKE. FINALLY SHARES MY SENTIMENT. AND ESTABLISHES. THAT THERE IS INDEED A MONSTER. WITH BLUE SKIN.

THE THING WITH THE MONSTER. IS THAT HE HAS A POOR STYLE. AND HORNS LIKE THE HOMOSUCK TROLLS. AND A WEAKNESS. TO ANY LIGHT. INCLUDING ORDINARY LIGHT. AND SUNLIGHT. AND HUMAN CHRISTMAS LIGHTS. (GET READY. FOR THIS IS THE FIRST MENTION OF HUMAN CHRISTMAS. OUT OF MANY. IN MY HUMAN FICTION TIRADE.)

ANYWAY. THE MONSTER. INTRODUCES ONE OF THE MALES. NAMED BRIAN STEVENSON. TO A WHOLE MONSTERLAND. WHICH IS LIKE HELL. TO WHICH BAD CHILDREN GO. TO BECOME MONSTERS. AND BE BAD. KIND OF LIKE ME. I GREW UP TO BE BAD. BUT INSTEAD. I AM FOREVER DOOMED. TO COMMENT ON HUMAN FICTION.

THE MONSTERLAND. HAS PORTALS. TO THE HOMES OF ALL THE CHILDREN. IN THE SO-CALLED. "UNITED STATES OF AMERICA." WHICH AS YOU'LL FIND. IS HOME TO 99% OF THE HUMAN STORIES THAT EXIST. HOMOSUCK? IN AMERICA. VIOLET AND MIKE? FROM AMERICA. APERTURE SCIENCE? IN AMERICA. BLACK MESA? IN AMERICA. SO TOO IS THIS STORY. DARKENED AND CORRUPTED. BY THE AMERICAN DREAM.

ANYWAY. SO THE MONSTER. SHOWS THE BRIAN MALE AROUND. THE PERKS OF BEING A MONSTER. GETTING TO PLAY VIDEO GAMES. AND PARTY ALL DAY LONG. I ADMIT. I WOULD LIKE TO BE SUCH A MONSTER. EXCEPT WITH ONE CONDITION. THAT I HAVE ALL THE MONSTERLAND TO MYSELF. IMAGINE IT. BEING ABLE TO RUIN LIFE FOR ALL OF AMERICA. A NATION OF RUINED LIVES.

AMONG OTHER PRANKS. THAT THE MONSTER DOES. IS PUT PISS. IN APPLE JUICE. AND HE HAS DID IT. FIFTEEN DAYS IN A ROW. I.

I HAVE THE WEIRDEST DEJA VU. PROBABLY FROM ONE OF THE WORKS OF FICTION. WHICH ONE WAS IT. OPENING THE PESTERLOG TRAP IN HOMOSUCK? THAT'S THE ONLY TRAP. IN FICTION. THAT I HAVE EVER SEEN.

ANYWAY. SO THE MONSTER. COMES TO THE TOPIC OF BITCHES. AND ONE PARTICULAR BITCH. WHO I DISCUSSED EARLIER. WHO IS ACTUALLY ON THE VERGE. OF BECOMING THE MALE'S HUMAN MATE. BUT THE MONSTER. RUINS LIFE FOR HER ANYWAY. LIKE HE DOES. AS AN INSTINCT. HIS HAND BECOMES A DOG. THAT EATS HOMEWORK.

THUS LEADING US. TO ANOTHER DID YOU KNOW. DOGS REALLY DON'T EAT HOMEWORK. THESE MONSTERS DO. BECAUSE WE JUST CLARIFIED. THAT THEY EXIST.

OH. AND BEFORE I FORGET. ANOTHER PECULIARITY OF MONSTERLAND. THEY HAVE A GAME. CALLED MONSTERBALL. IN WHICH THE POINT. IS TO DESTROY. AS MUCH SHIT AS POSSIBLE.

BACK TO THE MOVIE. TURNS OUT. SHIT IS GOING DOWN IN MONSTERLAND. AS ITS LEADER. WHO'S ACTUALLY NAMED "BOY". IS VERY ABUSIVE. AND THE MALE. WANTS TO CONFRONT BOY. BUT BOY. TRUTHFULLY ENOUGH FOR A LEADER OF MONSTERS. IS THE BIGGEST MONSTER EVER. AND SHOULD NEVER BE CONFRONTED.

AND THEN. THE MALE. STARTED HATING MONSTERLAND. FOR IT MESSING UP THE MALE'S POTENTIAL MATE. AND OTHER CHILDREN.

AND THEN. THERE WAS ANOTHER IRRELEVANT PROBLEM. THAT THE MALE'S PARENTS. WERE GOING TO SEPARATE.

AND THE MONSTER PRIME. (NOT THE MONSTER LEADER). WAS VERY UNFRIENDLY. TOWARDS EVERYONE. BUT THE MALE. SO THE FUCKING TENSION. THAT PLAGUES HUMAN MOVIES. WAS ON. WITH FOUR DIFFERENT PROBLEMS. THAT HAD TO BE SOLVED.

THE SOLVING. STARTED WITH THE MOVIE. TRYING TO GET RID OF THE MALE. BY TURNING HIM INTO CLOTHES. THAT WAY. HE WOULD BE A MONSTER. BUT IT STOPPED. AND BOY. BECAME SUPER UNHAPPY. AND WANTED TO GET THE MALE. ONCE AND FOR ALL.

BUT THEN. HE GOT THE OTHER MALE. SO THE FINAL FIGHT. WAS ON.

IT STARTED. WITH TWO MALES. AND THE BITCH. GATHERING TOGETHER. ALL THE LIGHT AND ALL THE POWER. THEY COULD GATHER. AND GOING TO MONSTERLAND. AND FLASHING THEIR AWESOME LIGHT ON EVERYONE. "KILLING THEM." AND THEN THE TROUPE HEADED. TO BOY'S ROOM. WHERE A MINION MET THEM. AND WASTED TIME. SO THEY COULDN'T COME BACK.

AND THEN SHOWCASED THE KIDNAPPED MALE. ON A TARGET. READY TO BE KILLED. BUT THEN THEY FLASHED THE FLASHLIGHT. AND EVERYONE FROM MONSTERLAND WAS DEAD. EXCEPT FOR BOY.

SO THE ENTOURAGE MET UP WITH MONSTER PRIME. AND WENT. BREAKING OUT OF SOME JAIL. BACK TO THE REAL WORLD. TO GET A BIGGER FUCKING LIGHT. AND FINALLY GET RID OF BOY.

BUT THEN FUCKING TIME RAN OUT. AND WHEN THE ENTOURAGE. FINALLY GOT THE IMPRISONED MALE. AND TRIED TO GET OUT OF HERE. IT WAS TOO FUCKING LATE.

BUT THEN THEY HAD FOUND A WONDERFUL FUCKING SOLUTION. TO GO WEST. THROUGH FUCKING ALTERNATE AMERICA. AND ENDED UP. IN CALIBORNIA.

SHIT. I MISSPOKE. I MEANT CALIFORNIA. MAN. IT WOULD BE AWESOME. TO OWN A U.S. STATE. BUT NO. I AM A CHERUB. AND AM OUTSIDE FROM EVERYTHING.

AND THEN. THE STORY FUCKING ENDED. ON A CLIFFHANGER.

THE END.

I COULD TRY AND WRITE MY OWN ENDING. BUT THAT WOULD BE CROSSING OUT. THE ENTIRE STORY. AND SAYING. I OWN FUCKING MONSTERLAND. AND CALIBORNIA. AND MONSTER PRIME IS DEAD. SO LET'S ASSUME. THE OBVIOUS ENDING. THAT THE TROUPE. GOT BACK FROM CALIBORNIA. TO WHEREVER THEY LIVED. AND END THE MOVIE HERE.

I STILL HAVE WHAT. HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF MOVIES? PLUS COUNTLESS BOOKS. VIDEO GAMES. AND OTHER SORTS OF MEDIA. SO I'D BETTER GET ON A HURRY. BUT BEFORE THAT. THE TRADITIONAL ENDING.

"LEAVE ME SUGGESTIONS. ON WHAT STORY. I SHOULD BE TAKING ON NEXT. I MEAN. I AM AN EXPERT ON THIS. I WILL HANDLE THIS.

FAREWELL. BITCHES AND ASSHOLES.

tumut"


End file.
